Episode #108-Pokemon Double Trouble

Who's That Pokemon?  It's Dodrio!

By Zidane

Ash and the gang(along with a few transvestites from Communist China) are riding on Lapras, and they are approaching Kumquat Island, a luxury resort that contains Ash's final challenge before entering the Orange League.

Yep, it's a gym and the last member of the Orange Crew.

Tracey and Misty are tired of following Ash around on his adventures, so Tracey says that Kumquat Island is famed for its luxury resorts.

So Misty replies by saying that even if Ash loses, they'll have a nice place to stay!

Ash gets this thought out of his mind and demands that the two give him some confidence.

However, confidence is a many-splendor'd thing, so Ash just won't get it.

Many people are shown on the island welcoming all the guests, but a woman that looks freakishly like Ricki Lake runs over and yells over the other people, completely overpowering their voices.

Tracey wants to go down to the beach and get some hot dogs and get sunburns while watching Misty get breast cancer, but Ricki Lake spots the group and whispers to herself, "My boy..."

An earthquake ensures, and Ash finds himself being pursued at frightening speeds by Ricki Lake.  Mrs. Lake runs over to Ash, and this is a scene in which how they were allowed to show it is beyond me.

Ricki Lake takes Ash and stuffs him in her breasts!  We have seen a similar scene like this in Pokemon Scent-Sation, but nothing like this.

Lake makes sure that Ash really cops a feel while disabling his ability to breathe.  After some major groping, Ash takes a breath from the intensity of stuffed breasts and asks her who she is.

Ricki Lake knows just what to do and stuffs him in her breasts again!  If a talk show host does that, I wonder what Jerry Springer or Jenny Jones do on their free time?

Ash decides he's too young for this kind of stuff AND PUSHES HER AWAY VIOLENTLY BY THE BREASTS!   Ricki Lake feels an implant shake loose as she is pushed away.  Ash then responds by saying that he already has a mother.

Oohh, I smell a talk show!  Jerry!  Jerry!  Jerry!

Ricki Lake is very confused, and swears that Ash looks just like her son Travis.  We get to see a flashback of her son leaving, and her son looks EXACTLY like Ash except that he wears a different colored hat.

We also find that her son acts the same as Ash and has the same intentions.  To become a Pokemon master.

Hey, if this all goes well, Professor Utsogi is going to be getting some!

Their conversation is cut short as screams are heard from the beach.  A very large Rhydon emerges from the water, and it is revealed that the Rhydon is mechanical.

Team Rocket reveals themselves in their new destructive machine.  James claims that their Robo Rhydon is Pokemon powered.  He presses a red button, and the entire machine begins to work.

We are introduced to the horrors and benefits of slavery as Lickitung and Arbok are whipped violently to make the machine move.  And the executives at Kids WB and 4Kids and Wizards of the Coast say that guns, naked gym leaders, and graveyards are inappropriate for kids?  What about slavery, imbeciles?

That was meant to be a sarcastic statement.

Rhydon's mouth opens, and Weezing appears inside!  Jessie decides to use Hyper Beam, but Weezing has not learned it yet, and instead does a Smog attack!

A nuclear warfare scene is imitated here, as we see Rhydon wreaking havoc while the entire screen is red.

But it's Action Hero Ash to save the day!  Ash steps in front of the Rhydon with arms and legs spread and demands them to stop!

Make up your own joke here.

Ash claims that attacking innocent people isn't fair, but Jessie counters that it wouldn't be fun at all, wouldn't it?

Well, you have to give them a chance!

Jessie switches from Weezing to Arbok, and Arbok does Poison Sting on Ash!

A bunch of nine-inch nails fly at Ash, but Ricki Lake orders Alakazam(?) to use Reflect.  Alakazam teleports in like a Protoss in front of Ash and reflects the Poison Stings away.  Ricki Lake is trained to expect danger so she threatens Team Rocket to stop.

Jessie calls Ricki Lake "Grandma", but Misty counters by calling Jessie witch.

Witch?

Witch?

Jessie goes ab-so-lute-ly ape-shit over this comment and blows a few drugs or too at Ricki Lake.  Jessie and Meowth only make it worse.  Ash warns Ricki Lake that Team Rocket is dangerous.

Team Rocket is dangerous?

Ricki Lake then replies that she can be dangerous herself.

Oohh, sassy!

She then says that it's nothing that an Orange crew member can't handle.

So Ash discovers that she's a gym leader!

Jessie uses Weezing on them, so they retreat, but Lake orders Alakazam to use Psychic to close Rhydon's mouth!  The smoke is then shot inside Rhydon, so Team Rocket orders Meowth to turn on the exhaust fans, but it turns out they didn't have enough capital to buy any!

Arbok is very annoyed, and uses Acid on the walls, and ends up burning a new belly button for Rhydon!  Ash uses this for his advantage and sends out Charizard to Flamethrower the belly button, roasting everyone inside.

We then take a look at another example of Kids WB's stupidity and the fact that they're playing the episodes out of order.  Right when Charizard obeys Ash, Tracey exclaims that Charizard is obeying Ash!

But that happens 3 episodes ago!  Kids WB plays it outta order, so they just gotta command 4Kids to change Tracey's line to this stupid hypocritic one.

The Robo-Rhydon is destroyed as Team Rocket blasts off again.

Ricki Lake congratulates Ash, but Ash wastes no time and asks her for a gym battle!  Lake accepts, but claims that she won't go easy.

You mean go over easy?

Ricki Lake owns a hotel, and Tracey figures that the hotel is a combination of a gym and a hotel!  So Ash can have his match and Misty and Tracey can have a good time!

What kind of good time, hmm?

As they go inside, we see about a gajillion Chef Boyardees bow before the group.  Ricki orders one of her servants, Chilton, to prepare a deluxe suite for Ash and his friends.

Misty is impressed, as they continue through the hotel.  They finally reach the gym.

Ricki Lake likes to do things a different way, and to spice things up, she decides to have a double Pokemon match!

It's actually called a Tag match, like a tag team.

Both trainers send out two Pokemon to fight at once, and the trainer whose Pokemon cannot battle anymore loses the battle!

Ash figures that it's just like a doubles match in Tennis, and we are given a view of Ash playing Tennis with Pikachu as his double!

Ash is feeling very confident, and says that he can win this.

Ricki Lake is VERY pleased, and squeezes Ash's neck just the right way that the CIA does so that you faint immediately.

But Action Hero Ash doesn't faint!  That should make him qualified to give him the badge already!

Ricki decides to have the match the next day.

The scene changes to Ash, Misty, and Tracey in a hot spring(an artificial one, like the one in Riddle Me This).  Of course, this scene is freakishly vulgar to us Americans but just fine for the Japanese.

I must note that Tracey looks completely different with his hair wet and that Misty looks exactly like she does in Gold/Silver.

Ash is surveying the scene of the battle, but while doing that, he sinks into the water with skin red as rump roast!

It is then revealed that he stayed in the hot spring too long.

Stayed in the hot spring too long?  Who wrote this crap, anyway?

The scene changes to the battle.  An announcer gives an overview of the battle, saying that Kumquat Gym Leader Luana(They finally reveal her name!) and Ash Ketchum will have a double Pokemon battle.

Luana decides to use Alakazam and Marowak, and Ash decides to use Pikachu and...  (Ash pauses for a second) Charizard!

Action Hero Ash explains his unbeatable team of Pokemon and his merciless strategy, but gym leader Luana taunts him and asks if they can work together.

Luana is correct.  Pikachu attempts to go first, but Charizard stomps on it.

Charizard and Pikachu exchange element blasts.

The battle begins, so Pikachu runs ahead to attack Marowak and Alakazam, but Charizard attacks first, roasting Pikachu's ass(and tail.).

Poor Pikachu.

Luana tells Alakazam to use Psychic on Charizard.  Charizard is lifted into the air just in the same manner as Slowbro did Disable on him in The Mandarin Island MissMatch.

Marowak is ordered to do Bonemarang, and Charizard gets beaten up rather brutally as he gets knocked back and forth by the bone(Get your mind out of the gutter!).

Ash is tired of the fighting(like Mewtwo Strikes Back) and orders Pikachu to help Charizard by using a Thundershock.

Pikachu proceeds to electrocute Charizard's ass.

Ash is very angry at this, and tells him that if Charizard loses, so will Pikachu!  After all, Pikachu can't handle Marowak and Alakazam!

So Pikachu electrocutes Alakazam, and Charizard is saved!  However, Marowak does Body Slam on Pikachu, but Pikachu is saved in the nick of time as Charizard's wing catches Pikachu in the air.

The usual hero music plays as Charizard and Pikachu engage Alakazam and Marowak.  Pikachu rides on Charizard and sweeps over them much in the manner of a World War II plane.  Marowak does Bonemarang on Charizard, but Charizard dodges it, and Pikachu thunderbolts Bonemarang.

Ash, you schmuck.

Marowak, being a rock type, resists the electricity.  Tracey and Misty exclaim that it didn't do anything, but Ash counters that it did.  It stopped Marowak's attack.

That TOTALLY DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL.  I believe something was lost in the damn translation.

Alakazam does the final blow and uses Hyper Beam!  Curiously, it doesn't start from his mouth, but rather in the air!  Charizard flies straight into the Hyper Beam.

What, is Charizard Ray Charles, or something?

However, Charizard's play is revealed as he flies up and Marowak's Bonemarang comes back and lays the smack down on Alakazam!  Alakazam's Hyper Beam ends up knocking out Marowak.

The battle goes to Ash!

Luana congratulates him for winning and gives him the Jade Star badge.  She has a brief moment of sadness right after she loses, probably because she can't do any hot Ash groping anymore.

They say their goodbyes, and Luana asks Ash that if he sees her son Travis, that he will tell him she misses him and give him her love.

The line goes like this.  "Ash, if you meet my son Travis, will you tell him that I miss him and give him my love?"

Give him my love?

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!  Man, I love that 4Kids!  What, so Ash is a gigolo now?

Ash and his friends are headed toward the Orange League competition.

Meanwhile, Team Rocket are stranded in the ocean on their wrecked Robo-Rhydon.

James claims that a poet once said that "No man is an island."

Jessie then says that many of us have been waiting for her to say for years.

Sex-driven Jessie has finally given up on James, and says "Well, James, you're no man."

Haha!  Jessie has gotten tired of James' freaky crossdressing hobby and has now just assumed that he's really a woman!

Meowth cuts in rather quickly.  "Perhaps we should tell the boss that we wrecked his Rhydon?"

Jessie: "If the boss finds out, he'll wreck us!"

James spots a boat, and Meowth tries to yell as loud as he can to catch its attention, but curiously, there is no boat visible!

Again, I believe something was lost in the translation.

The End.