Episode #129-Ignorance is Blissey

Who's That Pokemon?  It's Togepi(Damn that evil, evil Pokemon)

By Zidane

The episode begins with the announcer saying that after a long walk, Ash, Misty, and Brock have finally arrived in a town called Happy Town.  That's good, because they're anything BUT happy.

"My feet are killing me!" yells Ash.

The group complains about being hungry and tired, and all that junk, until they find a Pokemon Center!  "There's gonna be lots of food and soft beds there!" yells Ash.

Thinking that Ash is in the mood for some hot Pikachu loving, Misty replies with, "And they'll have nice hot showers too!"

Ash, of course, still doesn't get it, and knocks on the Pokemon Center, but surprisingly, it's closed!  He bangs on it repeatedly and repeatedly(Get your mind out of the gutter!) until...  Abracadabraalakazam!  The door opens and a Blissey pops out!

Ash and the group grope on and on about how it's not a Chansey, and this just happens to trigger a nerve cell in Ash's brain to use the Pokedex.  So Ash uses it, and Dexter tells him that it's the evolved form of Chansey.

Blissey holds on to Ash's arm and pulls him into the center.  "Hey, Blissey, where are you taking me?" Asks Ash.  Perhaps for a weird course of FPS(Freaky Pokemon Sex)?

Alas no, Blissey has detected Ash's hunger and has gone into the kitchen, fixing up various assortments of treats for our group to nibble and gobble down.

Unfortunately, Blissey gets a little too carried away, and emerges from the kitchen holding a tower of food stacked on white V shaped things.  Blissey begins to charge toward Ash and the group, but Ash, Misty, and Brock run in fear of Blissey's speed.  Of course, Ash falls down, and Blissey knocks all the food over him!

"That's okay, Blissey, I'll eat after I wash up!" says Ash.

But it ain't over yet!  We are then treated to a very disturbing scene of Ash showering(with towel on, of course.  Otherwise Kids WB wouldn't have aired this episode).  Blissey suddenly appears at the doorway, looking very excited.  "You wanna wash my back?  I could use a good scrub." says Ash.

Blissey gives him a scrub, alright!  The egg Pokemon grabs a broom and swipes it across Ash's back!  This just causes Ash to scream in pain.

The scene changes to Ash's back(no kidding!) with red scratches all over it.  Oh my, has Misty become a dominatrix?  No, it's just the scratches from the Blissey.

Brock notes the sad look on Blissey's face, but Ash doesn't care anyway.  However, Blissey takes a cotton ball out of a tube, and Ash says, "Oh no, is that rubbing ALCOHOL?"

Kids WB and 4Kids will probably get sued by tons of over-reactive, dumbass parents for even mentioning the word "Alcohol".

The Blissey lowers the cotton ball on Ash's scratches, and Ash screams in pain yet again!

The scene changes to the morning after.  Nurse Joy is walking along the Center with earplugs in place and with her regular clothes(not the Nurse clothes).  She takes the earplugs out, and walks into the Pokemon Center.  Ash emerges with bandages all around him.

Then, in a confusing scene, either Ash or Nurse Joy screams in the air.  You decide.

Joy apologizes for all the trouble that Blissey has caused, but explains that it was only trying to help.  "I'm 100% on your side, Nurse Joy!  And my heart is in your hands!"

Misty drags him away by the ear.  Meanwhile, outside, Team Rocket is starving as well.  However, James gets an idea to get into the Pokemon Center and have a good meal(He likes the Village People!)

Team Rocket infiltrates the center by getting into it underground.  However, looking through the refrigerator or stove uncovers...  nothing!

"They didn't leave us one crummy crumb!" yells James, as he looks into the trashcan.

Trust me, if you look into trashcans for food, then crumbs aren't the things you should be worrying about.

Meowth finds a little turnip they can eat, but he runs off with it, making way for Jessie and James to pursue him.  However, as Jessie hears footsteps near her, she runs toward them, and runs into Blissey!

She screams in horror, and runs back, but Blissey makes a fantastic jump and knocks her over!

"What are you so happy about?" yells Jessie, but she quickly pardons her question as she looks at the Blissey's necklace, which is in the formation of a broken egg.

Jessie brings out the other missing piece of the necklace and connects it with Blissey's.  "It's been a long time, old friend!" she yells.

At the dinner table, Jessie explains to James and Meowth that she wanted to be a Nurse when she was young.

::Start Flashback Sequence::

A rather young Jessie(with pigtail hair!) is shown applying to be a Nurse, but as the receptionist looks at her freaky ID card(Jessie is shown smiling with VERY big teeth), he tells her she's not qualified.  But Jessie never gives up, and sees a poster for a Pokemon Nurse school.  "You can't go there!" yells the man.

But Jessie replies with, "Don't worry!  I fit in anywhere!"

Get your mind out of the gutter!

It turns out to be a Pokemon Nurse School.  Only Chansey, though, are students in the class, but Jessie is the only human.

Jessie seems to be doing better than all the Chanseys at the little instructions the annoying teacher makes.  During lunchtime, a Chansey walks over and asks if it can sit next to her.

Jessie, of course, accepts, but the Chansey ends up flinging its food all over her hair!

The two quickly become friends, but during one of the sessions, the annoying teacher asks them to sing a patient to sleep.  The teacher puts on a pair of headphones, and the Chanseys sing the Pokemon to sleep, but Jessie falls asleep too!

The teacher scolds her for falling asleep in class, which is just absurd because Jessie isn't wearing headphones.  While in her room, Jessie gets on her hands and knees(Get your mind out of the gutter!) and makes good use of her index and middle finger?

No, she's not.  Jessie has gotten angry at the teacher!  But her roomate Chansey attempts to comfort her, which does nothing.  Jessie then exclaims that Chansey is the only one that cares about her, and then Kids WB attempts to cover up the obvious friendship by going to Who's That Pokemon.

It's Togepi!  The monstrous egg gives out a freaky egg laugh.

::Shudder::

The scene then cuts to the Chansey graduating from Pokemon Nurse School!  However, Jessie has not graduated, because duh, she's not a Pokemon.

As she walks out, her roommate Chansey stops her.  The Chansey takes off its cap and hands it over to Jessie, but Jessie says, "That's very nice of you, but I can't take it.".  So Chansey takes off its necklace that it just received from the graduation ceremony and breaks a little piece off of it and hands it over to Jessie.

::End Flashback Sequence::

"I always knew that Chansey would evolve into Blissey!" exclaims a now older Jessie.

With tears in eyes, James says, "I have to admit I'm very touched!" while Meowth says, "And he doesn't mean in the head!"

Oh my god, you better get your mind out of the gutter!

Blissey grabs on to Jessie's arm, and takes her to a room!  Yeah, exciting...  However, it turns out to be a room full of the Pokemon Center's food supply.  Blissey gives them a whole wheelbarrow-full of food for them to carry away.

::The Morning After::

"You mean this is all there is to eat in the Pokemon Center?" Yells Ash, unable to believe that he spent a night in a Pokemon Center with no food.

Nurse Joy knows trouble when she hears it, so they go into the food room, only to find...  nothing!

Of course, Nurse Joy uses the security camera, and only Blissey is shown taking the food away!  Nurse Joy and the others don't really seem mad at Blissey, however.  But Nurse Joy asks Blissey why she did it, and that it could end her career as a Pokemon Nurse.

So Kids WB and 4Kid's pathetic excuse for stealing is that it will end your career?  Idiots!  It will get you behind bars!

Jessie is surveying the scene outside, and guilt penetrates into her body.  "We have to help Blissey somehow!"

But obviously, they can't just give the food back.  However, at this time, James' head seems to grow an inch, and he gets an idea.  "Maybe if we tricked them into thinking we made Blissey steal the food, Blissey would be cleared!"

Not thinking about themselves, Jessie likes the idea.  So they drop the load in front of the center.

"Oh look Jessie, we've dropped all the food we stole from the Pokemon Center!" exclaims James, a bit too sarcastically.  But Ash and the group, being the ignorant imbeciles they are, walk outside and fall for the trick.

Jessie then explains to them that they tricked Blissey into stealing the food.  Ash goes ab-so-lute-ly ape-shit over this and demands that they fork over the food.

Pardon the pun.

"I've never seen Ash this angry!" exclaims Misty.  "I've never seen Ash this hungry!" exclaims Brock.

Damn those American translators.

Jessie has a plan in her head, however, and asks them to fork over the Pokemon for all the food they stole.  However, Blissey appears in the doorway!  The big ol' egg Pokemon runs over toward Jessie.

However, Jessie sees the danger in this, so she sends out Arbok and Lickitung!  Arbok and Lickitung are ordered to Tackle Blissey, and the fat Pokemon goes flying.

"Hey, that wasn't our plan!  You were supposed to pretend to attack Blissey!"  yells Jessie.

So Lickitung Wrap attacks Blissey, but brings it down very gently to the ground, while Arbok Bite's Blissey, but it's teeth never actually touch the Pokemon.

Just like wrestling, folks, it's all fake and scripted.

Blissey still cringes in pain, even though it felt nothing.  Huh, is Blissey on PCP?

Maybe, because even though it's in great pain, it still runs toward Jessie in grand delight.  But Jessie takes out a bazooka(!) and fires it toward Blissey, saying that she won't miss next time if it comes another step closer.

"Don't you know how to lend a Pokemon a helping hand?" asks James, inviting Ash to the battle.

Meowth brings out a hand contraption, and grabs Pikachu!

This sets us up for one of the most controversial and funniest moments of Pokemon anime.

Ash, seeing his beloved French rodent fly into the air, possibly getting bird crap all over it, and landing into Meowth's stomach, yells, "F*ck-achu!"

Yes, Ash doesn't say, "Pikachu!", but rather something else that everyone else has been waiting for!  It's about time Ash got tired of that stupid French Pikachu.

But Pikachu shocks away Team Rocket easily, and Ash sends out all his Pokemon.

To make a long battle short, Ash kicks some Team Rocket ass.

In the end, Ash finally gets that meal he always wanted.

Meanwhile, for Team Rocket, we are shown a scene of Jessie's body moving up and down and up and down...

No, it's not what you think.

Jessie's just floating on water, and the ending of the episode is just Team Rocket talking about food.

The End.