Episode #131-Fighting Flyer With Fire

Who's That Pokemon?  It's Marill!(spelled wrong)

By Zidane

The episode begins with Kids WB stupidly skipping over the episode "Bout With Sprout".  Our stupid announcer says that after a long journey and more than enough detours, our heroes(hah!) have finally arrived in Violet City.

I guess Kids WB and 4Kids never plan on showing Bout With Sprout, because they already arrived in Violet City on that episode.

Take a bunch of Chrono Legionaires and wipe out Kids WB and 4Kids out of time.

Yes!  Team Rocket makes an early appearance!

Jessie and James, dressed in white suits and wearing tinted glasses, step up right next to Ash.  "We need to inpsect your Pokemon so that it matches gym standards!" says James.

Of course, Ash, Misty, and Brock, being the dumbasses they are, are fooled by the easy disguises.  Jessie grabs Pikachu from Ash while they inspect it, saying that it's a Grade "B" Pikachu.

Yup, that's right, Pikachu sucks!  I really don't know why everyone likes Pikachu.  It isn't cute at all, it's weak, and most of all, Sparky sucks!  Just dispatch a group of dogs and tear Sparky to pieces, letting its ear fall out of place, its lip being ripped off...

Take that, iCy!

Jessie and James run to their balloon, which is conveniently behind a building.  Jessie stuffs(Get your mind out of the gutter!) Pikachu into the same electricity-absorbing-make-lightbulb-flash device.

Again, Ash, being the stupid little moron that he is, orders Pikachu to do Thundershock, which does absolutely nothing.

Yeah kids, you should learn something from this.  The Japanese can't have any creativity on villains!

Ash reaches into his belt, whips out his pokeball, and sends out the horny homosexual Pokemon!

Heracross!

This is a prime example of why Pokemon is dying.  Take a look at Kids WB pathetic translation skills here:

Meowth yells, "Here's some super sap for some super saps!"

That line made NO SENSE at all.  Heracross sees the sap and falls toward the ground diving after it, drinking the sap along the way.  However, Ash spots something else in the air.  "Look!  It's a pokemon!" Ash yells.

He just doesn't get it.

Notice at this time, the music for a rival battle in Gold/Silver plays.

No, actually, it's a hang glider, with gym leader Falkner riding on it!  Falkner orders his HootHoot to get the Pikachu, and HootHoot sweeps down and uses its feet(or foot, depending if you think it stands on one foot or two) to grab Pikachu, bringing it back to Falkner.

Angered, Jessie sends out Arbok, which uses Poison Sting on Falkner, sending his hang glider spiralling toward the ground!  I guess Ash and the group have some freaky voodoo spell around them that makes Team Rocket miss whenever they fire at them.

But Falkner is the flying gym leader, and sends out Pidgeot, which he rides on.  Pidgeot rips apart the Meowth Balloon, sending Team Rocket flying to kingdom come.

"I believe this is yours" says Falkner, landing and handing over the Pikachu to Ash, feeling slightly turned on by the sight of a fresh young boy.

"I've never seen a Pidgeot fly so fast!" exclaims Misty.

"Yeah, my Pidgeot didn't fly so fast." Ash says.

It's flashback time.

We get to see a flashback of Ash riding on his Pidgeot, kicking some Fearow ass while knocking out any chance that Fearow has of reproduction.

Unless it reproduces by masturbation.

Suddenly taken over by a powerful aphrodisiac, Falkner begins to get it up(if you know what I mean) and becomes interested in Ash's Pidgeot(or maybe another long, feathered thing).

"Someday I'll go back there and retrieve my friend!" claims Ash.  Hah!  He promised his Pidgeot that he would come back for it after the Orange League, and it's already the start of the Johto League!

"I can tell by the way you talk that you had a real bond with your Pidgeot!" says Falkner.  Dang, that must be a powerful aphrodisiac.

"Of course I did.  It was great flying around in its back in the Viridian Forest."

"I know what you mean.  The only better thing than seeing a Pidgeot fly is flying with it."

Oh my god, you better get your mind out of the gutter!

Falkner extends his right hand and presses it on Ash's left shoulder.  To do what?  To rape the poor little boy until he yells "Uncle!"?

No, Falkner is making a come-on onto Ash.  But Ash, not getting it at all, doesn't give away any signal, so Falkner releases his arm and points toward the mountain, describing his weird dream of flying.

"I guess you've heard of people who say that flying Pokemon don't stand a chance against electric Pokemon.  It gets me so mad when people put down flying Pokemon!" yells Falkner.

Misty agrees, and yells, "My favorite Pokemon are water types, and trainers need to smarten up and see how great water pokemon really are!"

These two need to smarten up and see that element types are the only things that determine the winner of a battle.

Ash, Misty, and Brock introduce themselves, and Falkner introduces himself as the Violet City Gym Leader!

Stunned, Ash and the group follow the guy into his gym.  The battle takes place at the roof of the gym.

After some formal introductions, the battle begins!

"You've seen what my flying Pokemon have done for you, so now see what they can do to you!" Falkner yells, as he calls out HootHoot.

Oh my god, that is nasty.

"I have a surprise of my own!" yells Ash, as he calls out Chikorita.

Good lord, what an idiot.

Chikorita flies out of the pokeball, lands on Ash's shoulder, and hideously gropes him!

I guess we have two horny homosexual Pokemon now.

Chikorita makes the first move, and Vine Whips HootHoot, but Falkner orders it to do Peck on Chikorita, which sends it flying!  Chikorita counters with a Razor Leaf attack, but Falkner orders another Peck a little more passionately.

Of course, Chikorita is defeated soundly, the useless grass Pokemon.  Take that again!  So Ash makes up for his mistake by sending out Pikachu!

Bwahahahahaha!  So Falkner orders HootHoot to fly into the air, but Pikachu uses Agility and fries its ass with Thundershock.

Mmm, tastes like chicken!

Falkner then sends out Dodrio.  "None of my opponents have defeated Dodrio!  Once Dodrio battles, they soon find out that 3 heads are much worse than one!"

That was such a stupid mistake, 4Kids should be burned to hell for that.

"Hmm..  What an interesting choice..." says Brock.  "Interesting, very interesting." says Misty.

Damn 4Kids to hell!  That's a really bad translation.

So Pikachu uses Agility, which makes it run like the wind, and Dodrio does it too.

Pikachu uses Thunderbolt, but Dodrio counters with a Fury Attack.  Dodrio uses Drill Peck, which hurts Pikachu a LOT(yes!), but as Dodrio uses Tri Attack, Pikachu jumps into the air, and fries the skin off of Dodrio's asses.

Mmm, beefy!

"I think we all know what he's gonna send out next." says Brock.

Falkner sends out Pidgeot!

Pikachu seems tired, but at the sight of Ash, Pikachu gets up.

The battle actually goes pretty quickly, as Pidgeot wins by using Whirlwind, blowing Pikachu away.

"All I got is one chance to win this battle and one chance is all I need!" yells Ash, as he sends out Charizard.

"A Charizard, eh?  Things are finally going to get interesting."

Charizard uses Flamethrower on Pidgeot, but Pidgeot's Agility sends the Flamethrower right back at him, damaging his wing.  Pidgeot lunges toward Charizard, but Charizard can't fly anymore, and Pidgeot slams into it!

Falkner offers Ash to forfeit, but he doesn't, and Charizard finally flies into the sky!  But Falkner keeps Quick Attacking his Pidgeot in back of Charizard.

This part is a great tribute to Lord of the 'UNKNOWN' Tower.  The music for the second Lord of the 'UNKNOWN' Tower movie trailer plays here.

Charizard turns around and uses Firespin on Pidgeot, frying its feathers off.  Charizard then sends Pidgeot into a Seismic Toss, circling around the globe along the way.

Cue the music for the first Lord of the 'UNKNOWN' Tower movie trailer.

And hey, Ash wins the match because he's got beginner's luck.

After the match, Falkner congratulates Ash, killing himself inside because he thinks they had a chance together.  But Ash still doesn't get it, and frankly, after his encounter with Spooky Danny, I don't think he wants to.

The End.